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Steve says

Steve says he’s plagued by questions, some from within and some from without. The question he wants to address today comes from fellow Chicagoans who want to know how he knows that god says all the cheese is his. Steve thinks this is a good and valid question and so he wants to provide a proper answer. Steve once went into the barren sands of Sahara and lost his way. He grew thirsty and tired from lack of nourishment and water and thought that he might die, but at the moment of expiration he encountered a vision. The vision was of a man who had fallen off of his horse, blinded by another vision. The man said that all the cheese in the world is Steve’s and when Steve asked how he knew that all the cheese belonged to him, this specific Steve, the man said that he learned from the almighty.

“Rest assured,” he said. “All cheese belongs to Steve.”

The man said as well that it was then incumbent upon Steve to retrieve the cheese from the cheese thieves who had taken it. The man in the vision gave Steve a book, really a roll of papyrus, and said that he ought to preach to the world the true place of cheese in the order of things. A caravan came and rescued Steve and since then he has attempted to teach the humans around him about…well about the cheese.